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By Karen Pollak
When your twins arrive, it might feel like you are running a race...or more like a marathon! Just the thought of the daunting tasks ahead can send expectant couples reeling. Can we care for two babies well? How will we ever have time for ourselves again? What about "us"? As when running a race, you can't dwell on the miles behind you, just the miles ahead. As one new mother of twins put it, "Caring for newborn twins is like running a marathon at a sprinter's pace!"
Here are some practical tips to prepare you for, and get you through, the initial post-partum phase. There will be lots of fits and starts along the way, so remember to be flexible, have realistic expectations, and most of all, enjoy the journey!
Getting Around
This always seems to be top of mind for most couples expecting multiples. It is, indeed, an important decision, as this will be the babies' mode of transportation, and your key to getting out and about.
There are a number of things to consider when choosing a stroller. First and foremost is comfort: for you and the babies. If you are tall, consider a style with longer arms. If you are petite, consider a more compact and lightweight model.
Many companies are offering "stroller systems" in which the infant car seats snap into a stroller that you will eventually use without the car seats attached. When considering these models, take into account the maneuverability and ease of use. There are now car seat frames on the market that accommodate two or three car seats and do not convert to a stroller. These serve a more short-term purpose as an interim mode of transportation. The benefit of these models is that you can enjoy the convenience of a car seat snap-in system while the babies are newborns, then transition to the stroller of your choice when the babies are ready.
As for selecting a tandem or side-by-side stroller, there are pros and cons to each. The tandem is long and can be difficult to maneuver, both seats often don't recline completely, and then there is the issue, when the babies are older, of who sits in front and who sits in back. Stroller systems are only made in the tandem style, so if you want the car seats to snap onto the stroller, the tandem is the choice for you. Side-by- sides often allow each child to recline completely and independently of the other, which is a nice feature if one is sleeping and the other awake. However, a common complaint about this type of stroller is that not all models are wide enough to fit through doorways and narrow aisles. With either choice, consider accessories and features that are important to you such as an ample basket to store baby supplies and purchases, and overall weight and size. Storage space also needs to be taken into account when making your selection. Will the stroller fit in the trunk of your vehicle?
Equipment
Will you need two of everything? The answer is no. Initially, you need only concern yourselves with what the babies will sleep in and how you transport them. So, other than having car seats, a stroller and beds, it's not necessary to fill your home with other equipment just yet. However, if space allows, most parents find that other items including bouncer seats and swings are extremely useful. Most parents find that a bouncer for each baby is very helpful. One swing is often sufficient. A play yard is another very useful tool, especially if you live in a two-story home and the nursery is on the second floor. A play yard offers you an alternative place for the babies to nap if you wish to keep them in view while attending to other tasks while they sleep during the day. It also serves as a safe play place.
Sleep set up
Depending upon your physical space and financial means, there are a number of ways to set up the babies' sleep area.
If you plan on "rooming" with your babies initially, consider a co-sleeper (taking babies' collective weight into account). A shared bassinet or one bassinet per child is another option. One crib shared by the babies is yet another. Which ever you choose, make sure each baby has enough room, and that you can easily access them; a critical concept when you're sleep-deprived and need to reach the babies for nighttime feedings.
You might decide to put the babies into their nursery straight away. In such cases, you might choose to co-sleep them, or give each baby their own bassinet or crib.
Night Time Feedings
If the mother intends to nurse exclusively, dad, night nanny or other helpers can assist by retrieving babies and bringing them to mom, changing diapers before or after the feeding (as necessary) and putting babies back to bed. This allows the mother to focus her energy on feeding the babies and get right back to sleep after the feedings.
If you are considering supplementing with formula, feeding breast milk from a bottle or giving formula exclusively, a whole world of options is available to you to care for your newborns through the night, and still get some much needed sleep. It is critical that each parent receives enough sleep to function well throughout the day. This would ideally be a minimum of five hours of uninterrupted sleep. Achieving this is possible if space and schedules allow.
Conceptually, it works like this; Mom feeds babies their last evening meal (eight or nine o'clock or so, as an example), babies are then placed in their sleep area (outside of Mom's bedroom), and Mom goes to sleep. Dad, night nanny or other caregiver then tends to the babies at the late night feeding (eleven o'clock or midnight, as an example). Babies are then returned to mother's room, asleep. Dad (et al) then goes to sleep in another room of the house to sleep until the morning. Mom will wake again for the early morning feed (two or three a.m.). In this scenario, each parent is enjoying five hours of interrupted sleep, critical to their functioning capably the next day.
Scheduling
You may have already heard about "scheduling" your babies from other parents of multiples. It may sound like an odd concept, but it will undoubtedly give you the much-needed breaks you need to rest and refresh between the seemingly never-ending demands of your babies. It will also allow you maximum your enjoyment of the babies, as you will have more time with them, versus bouncing between them to manage their separate schedules.
The concept is this; once nursing/feeding is established, you have a sense of the babies' temperaments, and take into account any health issues they may have, you can begin syncing their patterns, so that in time they are eating, sleeping and waking at the same time.
It is important to first maintain a log of their individual patterns, then assess in which direction you want to move the babies eating/sleeping/wake times. Are they eating two hours apart? Is one awake while the other asleep? By moving the babies' activities in subtle time increments, five to fifteen minutes at a time, it won't be long before the babies are sharing the same pattern and you can achieve some order to your days and nights, thus allowing you to incorporate other necessary tasks and rest periods into your schedule.
Developing a Support Network
For any new parent, having the support of those around you aids in the transition to parenthood. For multiples families, it can be quite overwhelming. Although you might be able to anticipate what some of your needs might be once the babies arrive, it is important to remain flexible, as there can be many unexpected realities. Planning ahead for help is something many expectant couples of multiples do. Whether it is a parent, sibling or other relative, a paid caregiver, au pair or volunteer, considering some help at home might be an option for you. If you so choose, there are many resources available. Nanny agencies, post-partum doulas, night nannies, mother's helpers, and au pair agencies are available in nearly every community. Consider what your needs and wants are for anyone you hire, and make sure that your expectations are communicated up front. Additionally, be certain to thoroughly check references of past employers and contact the Trustline Registry to verify if your candidate is a registered care provider.
Making contact with other parents of multiples through local twins/multiples clubs is a direct line to those who understand your circumstances and can offer you the wisdom of their own experiences. The National Organization of Mothers of Twins Clubs (NOMOTC) has a website full of resources, including information about clubs in your area. Its website is www.nomotc.org. For higher-order multiples, contact Mothers of Supertwins at www.mostonline.org. or The Triplet Connection at www.tripletconnection.org. Both organizations are nationwide and offer support, friendship and social gatherings for families of multiples.
DoubleTalk, a Northern California-based company, provides workshops for new mothers and fathers of twins, as well as one-on-one and in-home mentoring on subjects ranging from developing a schedule for babies, helping them learn to sleep through the night, and assisting couples adjust to their new lives as parents of multiples.
There is so much to anticipate with the arrival of your twins. Planning ahead will ease your mind, but realize that you can't anticipate every scenario. Just like that marathon, remain adaptable to the changes that your new family will bring. Be informed and gather the information you need to make the myriad of decisions that await you along the road. Lastly, surround yourself with a strong support system. Armed with that, you'll cross the finish line with flying colors!
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